The Burnt Out New Yorker

I have been taking this city on for a little bit over a month.

The scariest part of this move was initially making enough money and simply surviving.  I am surviving.  I have a good amount of money in savings as well as checking.  I can live comfortably for a long while.  I am pursuing my dreams.  I am doing what I was meant to be doing.  I am on this world to share my gifts with the world. 

I am so grateful to be in this situation.  I am tired, my body is exhausted.  My body keeps cracking and tightening.  I am constantly holding my breath and not really breathing fully.  I have trained by body for years to get through these moments though.  This is a tough moment.  I know how to take care of my body in certain ways.  Right now is my downtime.  I am reminding my self to breathe and stretch out my muscles.  I am trying to release all my tensions that are holding my back.

My current job is serving- it is not a part of my career.  It is just a part of the process.  I work in a high volume, high stress steakhouse.  I walk in every night feeling overwhelmed.  I walk out feeling drained and in need for immediate fulfillment.  I often rush to meet some friends at a bar so I can have a little bit of play time before I do it all again.

In my downtime I remember who I am- I am constantly trying to propel my career forward.  But boy is that hard.  You have to have money to take class, you have to take class to be a strong artist... you have to work to have money.
This is the biggest thing I am struggling with at the moment.

So the trick I am trying to discover is how to make money while being an artist so I can also take some class and study and grow.  I am researching how to break out into the TV commercial industry.  I am resourceful but this period is really tough.

I feel like I am in the best place that I can be for my life right now.  I simply have to get to the auditions to get a job to get out of the current situation that I am in right now.  I am all about it.

Reminding myself I am so loved and I have a lot of love to share with the world.

Life Experience is Experience

I have been to Memphis, worked 11 days straights, gotten mugged, then traveled to NYC for auditions.

I am very grateful for all of these experiences and think it is tremendous that I have been able to experience so much while being so young. I'm 23 and ready to take on the world fully. Ready to leap with both feet. I'm feeling plenty of fear but would like to make the commitments I need to do anyway... maybe that means buying my unlimited yoga class... maybe that means not drinking as much.

Change is change and that is how my life will yield in different results!

Another Chapter

There is always another Chapter unfolding in my life.

This weekend alone is jam-packed with so many things that I have to do which will potentially be longtime life commitments!!! My job at the supper club itself is a full time commitment! I also have a hard time fully balancing my schedule. I do a lot. I do alot. I do very much.

This Saturday I am singing in the Marriage Equality Cabaret but it has turned out to be more of a headache than anything. I wanted to do it because I am hungry to share my art with the rest of the world. But my art has been too suffocated to be released. It is clouded with this transportation issue i am dealing with.

Another big issue Is that I am totally moving out of Woodlawn on Saturday. Saturday morning will come and I will pack up my woodlawn ave and move everything I have to 19th and Bainbridge. Scarred for this total leap of faith move but it does feel quite right. I need it to be here and to be true. I have enough money from the Supper Club that I can pay my rent and do what I want to be doing. I don't need to hang out here waiting for the next big thing. I hate crashing on couches- I hate feeling like I cannot live my true life!!!!

On Sunday I travel all the way to Tennessee for the UPTA auditions. All that and return Tuesday to get back to work!!!! Wild and Crazy... but what a fabulous life to be living!!!!

tick tick... boom

I'm just getting home from tick tick... boom performed by my wonderful friends at 11th Hour theatre company. It was a really beautiful evening.
It has been hard doing so much this semester. I'm at a point of great confusion where i'm not sure what direction i have to take. It is a little bit confusing. I am currently living my dream of dreams and I'm just not certain what my current road block is from letting me succeed 100%.
It may be because I have not been doing the other things that keep my process happy.
I have not been to a yoga class in some time and i have only been making it to the gym about once week. Many of my days have been spent being hidden in my room doing nothing- or atleast nothing productive. It is tricky to balance. So often when i'm afraid of something I run away from it instead of facing it.
I can't focus on one task and run away from the tasks the i actually care about.

But Tick Tick... Boom helped my focus on one thing for a beautiful 90minute piece of theatre. It was performed by three actors that i love and have a lot of respect for. They helped take me to a special place that I haven't been to in a while. even with doing this amazing show that I'm working on. the director, music director, and designers helped create a world of love and creativity that I was invited to be apart of. It was a musical that really brought a lot of joy to me and that sure is great!

I'm trying to have a better energy flow to my life... still trying to figure out the energy blocks that are affecting me negatively. Quite a process.

9am is after 8am

GAH!!!!

What am i doing with this semester???
Have I always been this wasteful when it come to academics? i get to take academics! That is fun!

Things are hard with no time.


BREATHE

Still don't have a lap top.

It is hard to remind myself to breathe. I have to. I might have anxiety.

I might have depression.

A very good day today. Staging of Musical Numbers went well.

Time to Blog of Course

I have been at the computer for a few hours now- wasting much more time than expected.

I spent a lot of time trying to come up with a blog name that would let my friends know who I am but not show up in search engine's if somewhere were to search my name.


But for the most part I am very happy with how things are going... where my life is now- where it looks like it is headed.

But right now i just really need a vacation... aahh